I wrote this when I was feeling emotionally drained one day, and I go back to it often to remind myself of the importance of boundaries and taking care of yourself first.
This is a bit of a personal one for me.
For flowers to grow they need someone to water them. But first ‘the waterer’ needs to make sure that they can do this by taking care of themselves first, before the flowers.
That’s how beautiful things both grow and flourish.
You’re always giving advice when people ask, sometimes even if they don’t. You check up on friends that have been a little quiet. You are full of comforting embraces and words of wisdom. Warm smiles and kind gestures.
People describe you as the ‘positive one’ and admire how your glass is always half full. They long to be around your warmth to help cure the chill that seeps into them. A dark, sticky, thick ooze that clings onto anyone who comes into contact with it.
But you can’t help but wonder on the days you feel drained of the energy that you willingly pour into others. When will it run out ? Is it a limitless life source, or a valuable gift in need of fierce protection? Should you immediately summon security guards with weapons? Build up unclimbable walls?
The thing is; it’s incredibly lonely being ‘the strong one’. Yet it’s a phrase you wear as a badge of pride. As if being able to handle the weight of the world alone makes you a warrior. But here you are, waiting for the applause that just doesn’t come. And how many years are you prepared to wait for it before the lights go out? You are not a martyr, although you seem to get some toxic, masochistic satisfaction from believing so.
Don’t forget that people are drawn to your strength, they admire it, yes, but they also take advantage of it. Use it for themselves, taking and taking to help rid themselves of their own burdens. They pass them on to you and say “thank you very much” and walk off five stone lighter.
And you are left there at night silently wondering who is there to check up on you. Who helps to carry your load? A load that is getting heavier day by day as you accumulate the burdens and worries of others.
You secretly wonder when it will get too heavy. What if this strength of yours that you are so proud of is slowly killing you.